Midget Probation

Most weekends at the Nebraska State Penitentiary are slow and quiet. We like it that way. The last weekend in May of 2006 looked like a damn Oompa-Loompa convention. Every little short fucker in the joint wanted to appeal their case because a Judge out in the Western part of the state from Sidney gave 10 years probation to a chimo because he was small in stature. She was concerned that he would be a target for foul play in state prison because of his small size. He raped a 12-year-old girl for Christ’s sake. I do not care if he was only 5’1” and only 130 lbs. We already house inmates of that size. I suppose that is why they are lined up at the door to the office.

I can hear the ribbing already from our neighboring states.
“They’re getting tough on chimos in Kansas; now there is no height restriction.”
I can hear the ribbing from my non-correctional friends and relatives.
“We’ll send photos of them to the judge to see if they can get out due to their vertically challenged status.”

“Remember the day Kinney brought the dehydrated-salted prunes? I would rather give Sasquatch a rim-job than eat another one of those. Those motherfuckers could have been dehydrated duck gallbladders for all I know.”