It has recently become somewhat of a competition, seeing who can launch a bag of trash into the trash carts next to the pop machines at the bottom of the external canteen stairs. We have always sacked up the trash for which we are responsible and taken it out with us, but it has never taken on such an interesting role at the end of our shift as now. Close to the end of the shift, probably within half an hour, we begin to collect the trash which normally consists of three small bags. A larger sack usually does the job. I personally like to tie a neat handle at the top. It makes it easier to carry and swing when trying to gain momentum for the throw.
On a Saturday in the middle of January, 2007, following a particularly cold week, my co-worker Rob Uttecht and I were on our way out the door. Today would be my turn to drop the trash, and I intended to impress Rob with the distance from which I could launch the projectile. My intention was to attempt the launch from approximately 30 feet. Clearing the fence would be easy; it was only about 10 feet high. The enclosure was roughly eight by 10. It was not quite as easy as throwing a golf ball in the ocean, but it was close if the conditions were right. I have seen people have their shot attempts get caught in the wind, and land on the pop machines before, but few have ever missed so bad that they could not be recovered. Distance is the real challenge. The inmates were not completely unaware of our little competition. In fact, they would frequently watch.
Today was an opportunity for many inmates to view our game, since many of them were standing in the canteen line on the stairs, adjacent to the pop machines. The pressure was on, and I was about 35 feet from the cage which was my target. I swung the bag around a few times. It would be perfect. The size and weight were just right for travel. There was no wind. When I tried to release the bag, it sort of got hung up on my hand, and I could not release it at the proper moment. A split second after I intended, the bag came away from my hand. The missile’s trajectory went almost straight up into the air, and in less time than its release was delayed, it became apparent what the new target would be.
Inmate Avery was wheelchair bound, and was part of the audience that was getting the free entertainment. Avery was alone, five feet from the bottom of the stairs, while some other inmate acquired his store goods. He tracked the trash bag along with everybody else on the yard that day, but realized quickly that he alone was now the landing area. We all froze as if we were nailed to our spots, unable to do anything as we watched the bag peak at about 40 feet in altitude. Avery’s hands began to reflexively come up in a defensive position, hoping he could deflect the bag. I stood horrified, super-glued to my spot on the sidewalk, knowing it would mean my job when the offending bag hammered down on top of Avery’s head. Down came the load, like a refuse missile, homing in on the poor unfortunate inmate who would soon have a new lawsuit in which to pursue. It seemed like minutes, though it only took seconds for the bag to fall to the earth. Everybody in the canteen line was watching. Every inmate on the yard had turned their attention. I was the only one that breathed a sigh of relief when the bag landed, inches from the left front wheel of Avery’s wheelchair. Uttecht almost peed his pants as I ran and collected the bag and slam-dunked it into the trash-bin area. We did not bother to stay and count the witnesses that could have written kites to the safety and sanitation specialist. We both made a beeline for the front door. It is funny now, but at the time all I could think of was how in the world I would explain this one to Exstrom.
Staying in a dream can prove challenging at times. I have found that spinning works well on most occasions. Spinning requires an explanation: In your mind, your body rotates on its axis, which would be from your head to your asshole. You do not actually do fl ip-fl ops in bed. In your mind, you rotate your body as if there is an iron rod running through your body from the top of your head out through your sphincter muscle. I typically turn counter-clockwise, and I do not know why. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I am left-handed. I am not sure what effect spinning the other way would have. I guess I will have to try it sometime.
“Life throws curveballs. All you can do is swing at ‘em.”
-- Pete Rose
On a Saturday in the middle of January, 2007, following a particularly cold week, my co-worker Rob Uttecht and I were on our way out the door. Today would be my turn to drop the trash, and I intended to impress Rob with the distance from which I could launch the projectile. My intention was to attempt the launch from approximately 30 feet. Clearing the fence would be easy; it was only about 10 feet high. The enclosure was roughly eight by 10. It was not quite as easy as throwing a golf ball in the ocean, but it was close if the conditions were right. I have seen people have their shot attempts get caught in the wind, and land on the pop machines before, but few have ever missed so bad that they could not be recovered. Distance is the real challenge. The inmates were not completely unaware of our little competition. In fact, they would frequently watch.
Today was an opportunity for many inmates to view our game, since many of them were standing in the canteen line on the stairs, adjacent to the pop machines. The pressure was on, and I was about 35 feet from the cage which was my target. I swung the bag around a few times. It would be perfect. The size and weight were just right for travel. There was no wind. When I tried to release the bag, it sort of got hung up on my hand, and I could not release it at the proper moment. A split second after I intended, the bag came away from my hand. The missile’s trajectory went almost straight up into the air, and in less time than its release was delayed, it became apparent what the new target would be.
Inmate Avery was wheelchair bound, and was part of the audience that was getting the free entertainment. Avery was alone, five feet from the bottom of the stairs, while some other inmate acquired his store goods. He tracked the trash bag along with everybody else on the yard that day, but realized quickly that he alone was now the landing area. We all froze as if we were nailed to our spots, unable to do anything as we watched the bag peak at about 40 feet in altitude. Avery’s hands began to reflexively come up in a defensive position, hoping he could deflect the bag. I stood horrified, super-glued to my spot on the sidewalk, knowing it would mean my job when the offending bag hammered down on top of Avery’s head. Down came the load, like a refuse missile, homing in on the poor unfortunate inmate who would soon have a new lawsuit in which to pursue. It seemed like minutes, though it only took seconds for the bag to fall to the earth. Everybody in the canteen line was watching. Every inmate on the yard had turned their attention. I was the only one that breathed a sigh of relief when the bag landed, inches from the left front wheel of Avery’s wheelchair. Uttecht almost peed his pants as I ran and collected the bag and slam-dunked it into the trash-bin area. We did not bother to stay and count the witnesses that could have written kites to the safety and sanitation specialist. We both made a beeline for the front door. It is funny now, but at the time all I could think of was how in the world I would explain this one to Exstrom.
Staying in a dream can prove challenging at times. I have found that spinning works well on most occasions. Spinning requires an explanation: In your mind, your body rotates on its axis, which would be from your head to your asshole. You do not actually do fl ip-fl ops in bed. In your mind, you rotate your body as if there is an iron rod running through your body from the top of your head out through your sphincter muscle. I typically turn counter-clockwise, and I do not know why. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I am left-handed. I am not sure what effect spinning the other way would have. I guess I will have to try it sometime.
“Life throws curveballs. All you can do is swing at ‘em.”
-- Pete Rose
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