Your drill instructor will not take away your birthday, but Pope Gregory the XIII might. Late in the year 2003, I was thinking about scheduling a vacation the following year and mentally calculating a day of the week without a calendar, and then a date it would fall on, when I realized that next February 29th needed to be counted because 2004 is a leap year. And so it occurred to me to provide you with some useless trivia.
In the year 1582, Pope Gregory the XIII, was informed that we were behind. That sounds funny, so I will elaborate. His advisors, who also happened to be learned in the ways of Astronomy, informed him that the Caesarean calendar was not accurate enough for their time. Their calculations showed that seasonal events would not occur on the same date every year because their current calendar currently put them 10 days behind, with more falling behind to come. The actual date should have been the 15th of October, while the world as they knew it was observing the 5th of October. This all occurs due to things like sidereal years, tropical years, declination, and other astronomical terms like that. There is not enough space to explain here, and if I did, you would quit reading.
Pope Gregory declared that day, the 5th, to be the 15th, skipping the scheduled days in between (hope you didn’t have a birthday or a dentist appointment). In addition to this, Pope Gregory modified the Caesarean calendar by deciding that century years could only be leap years if they were divisible by 400, thus subtracting 3 days (February 29ths) from happening every 400 years, and therefore creating the Gregorian calendar, which is what we use today. Removing those three days from every 400 years makes time, on the calendar at least, go just a little bit faster, so we will not fall behind.
If you were more than a mere child in the year 1900, you may have already known this. Why is this bit of information useless to us? Well, it is not, if you plan on living until the year 2100. That particular year would normally be a leap year, because it is divisible by four. Due to Pope Gregory’s
declaration, it will not be a leap year. It is a century year, and it is not divisible by 400.
So, if your children or grandchildren some day attempt to plan a vacation a year in advance, or a special event early in 2100, you may want to warn them ahead of time. They can observe February 29th, in the year 2096, but they won’t see another one until February 29, 2104. Imagine the poor kids born on February 29, 2096. They won’t see their first birthday until they are eight years old!
Pope Gregory’s calendar keeps us pretty close. We won’t have to worry about adjusting days or taking away somebody’s birthday (and I thought my Drill Instructor was kidding!) for approximately 3,300 years, which is when our current calendar puts us one day behind. I wonder what day they will skip?
“Hey, I’m out of space on the legal-call log. Where in the file cabinet can I find more of them?”
“What does it say at the top of the form?”
“Staff Assisted Confidential Telephone Call Log forms.”
“Oh, between Maintenance Work Orders and Material Purchases.”
“What’s the folder called?” “Monthly.”
“Monthly what?”
“It’s just called Monthly.”
“Hell, that’s not even in alphabetical order. What does Monthly have to do with legal calls?”
“The sheet is turned in monthly.”
“Fuck, that makes no sense; aren’t lots of things turned in monthly, like the monthly report?”
“Well, sure, but…”
“No it’s not turned in monthly; it’s turned in when it’s full.”
“It’s under Monthly.”
“We’re also out of MRs (misconduct reports). Where are the MRs?”
“Under R for write-up.”
We were going on a travel order (TO). Normally, on a TO, you need the number of staff to be one more than the number of inmates. That was per Administrative Regulation (AR). Lt. Wissehruhr assigned four staff to go. We were taking two inmates over and bringing one inmate back. The maximum number of inmates in our custody at any one time would be two.
Lt. W said, “Two over and one back, that’s three inmates, you need four staff.”
“Why, in case one of them changes his mind and doesn’t get out?”
We were one over on our physical count because an inmate had cleaned off his bunk. We were not aware that he was still living there. He did not leave a sheet, blanket, pillow, or anything to indicate that somebody lived there. Had we taken the bed roster with us, we would have caught the discrepancy. It was Sunday. We elected to just count heads that day. The kitchen was one short because the same guy we did not count was at work in the kitchen, physically in the can, growing a tail. The vast majority of new inmates work in the kitchen until they learn how much it sucks, so we were not familiar with this inmate. After we had turned in our count sheet, and the kitchen had turned in theirs, the numbers balanced. The kitchen corporal called us first to tell us that the guy was there. He noticed when he emerged from the crapper. That is precisely the moment we realized that he was not in our housing unit. We did not subtract one inmate from the total because we did not know he existed. Imagine how many statements of charges were avoided.
The Department of Corrections takes 5% of the earnings from inmates for their gate fee. The gate fee is inmate terminology for a payment of $100 given to inmates for survival basics upon discharge.
Why do they take the 5% from the inmates serving a life sentence?
“Batiste, I just heard something disturbing. Tell me it ain’t true.” I was whored-out at the time, listening to an inmate from 6-B-bay, in the drug rehabilitation program. “I’m paroling on the 26th, and I’m told that they have already froze my books.”
“Actually, they aren’t frozen. A check has been cut for the balance and they have been completely zeroed out.”
“Whatchu mean? How’m I gonna spend the money at store tomorrow?”
“You won’t be able to spend it, because there won’t be any funds available.”
“But now, I lose all them dead presidents!” “You still get the gate fee.”
“Yah, but now I really only get $55 because I already had $45 on my books.”
“That’s the breaks.”
“But I could have spent up that $45 at the store, and then gained the full Benjamin.”
“Look on the bright side. You got free food and health care the entire time you’ve been here.”
“Man, but I’m out almost half a C-note. How many days do they freeze your account before you parole?”
“It varies.”
“Well, I’m pissed anew. And on what does that variance depend?”
“Oh, so now you want to use proper English.”
“I’m not that horny…I just got out of prison.”
In the year 1582, Pope Gregory the XIII, was informed that we were behind. That sounds funny, so I will elaborate. His advisors, who also happened to be learned in the ways of Astronomy, informed him that the Caesarean calendar was not accurate enough for their time. Their calculations showed that seasonal events would not occur on the same date every year because their current calendar currently put them 10 days behind, with more falling behind to come. The actual date should have been the 15th of October, while the world as they knew it was observing the 5th of October. This all occurs due to things like sidereal years, tropical years, declination, and other astronomical terms like that. There is not enough space to explain here, and if I did, you would quit reading.
Pope Gregory declared that day, the 5th, to be the 15th, skipping the scheduled days in between (hope you didn’t have a birthday or a dentist appointment). In addition to this, Pope Gregory modified the Caesarean calendar by deciding that century years could only be leap years if they were divisible by 400, thus subtracting 3 days (February 29ths) from happening every 400 years, and therefore creating the Gregorian calendar, which is what we use today. Removing those three days from every 400 years makes time, on the calendar at least, go just a little bit faster, so we will not fall behind.
If you were more than a mere child in the year 1900, you may have already known this. Why is this bit of information useless to us? Well, it is not, if you plan on living until the year 2100. That particular year would normally be a leap year, because it is divisible by four. Due to Pope Gregory’s
declaration, it will not be a leap year. It is a century year, and it is not divisible by 400.
So, if your children or grandchildren some day attempt to plan a vacation a year in advance, or a special event early in 2100, you may want to warn them ahead of time. They can observe February 29th, in the year 2096, but they won’t see another one until February 29, 2104. Imagine the poor kids born on February 29, 2096. They won’t see their first birthday until they are eight years old!
Pope Gregory’s calendar keeps us pretty close. We won’t have to worry about adjusting days or taking away somebody’s birthday (and I thought my Drill Instructor was kidding!) for approximately 3,300 years, which is when our current calendar puts us one day behind. I wonder what day they will skip?
“Hey, I’m out of space on the legal-call log. Where in the file cabinet can I find more of them?”
“What does it say at the top of the form?”
“Staff Assisted Confidential Telephone Call Log forms.”
“Oh, between Maintenance Work Orders and Material Purchases.”
“What’s the folder called?” “Monthly.”
“Monthly what?”
“It’s just called Monthly.”
“Hell, that’s not even in alphabetical order. What does Monthly have to do with legal calls?”
“The sheet is turned in monthly.”
“Fuck, that makes no sense; aren’t lots of things turned in monthly, like the monthly report?”
“Well, sure, but…”
“No it’s not turned in monthly; it’s turned in when it’s full.”
“It’s under Monthly.”
“We’re also out of MRs (misconduct reports). Where are the MRs?”
“Under R for write-up.”
We were going on a travel order (TO). Normally, on a TO, you need the number of staff to be one more than the number of inmates. That was per Administrative Regulation (AR). Lt. Wissehruhr assigned four staff to go. We were taking two inmates over and bringing one inmate back. The maximum number of inmates in our custody at any one time would be two.
Lt. W said, “Two over and one back, that’s three inmates, you need four staff.”
“Why, in case one of them changes his mind and doesn’t get out?”
We were one over on our physical count because an inmate had cleaned off his bunk. We were not aware that he was still living there. He did not leave a sheet, blanket, pillow, or anything to indicate that somebody lived there. Had we taken the bed roster with us, we would have caught the discrepancy. It was Sunday. We elected to just count heads that day. The kitchen was one short because the same guy we did not count was at work in the kitchen, physically in the can, growing a tail. The vast majority of new inmates work in the kitchen until they learn how much it sucks, so we were not familiar with this inmate. After we had turned in our count sheet, and the kitchen had turned in theirs, the numbers balanced. The kitchen corporal called us first to tell us that the guy was there. He noticed when he emerged from the crapper. That is precisely the moment we realized that he was not in our housing unit. We did not subtract one inmate from the total because we did not know he existed. Imagine how many statements of charges were avoided.
The Department of Corrections takes 5% of the earnings from inmates for their gate fee. The gate fee is inmate terminology for a payment of $100 given to inmates for survival basics upon discharge.
Why do they take the 5% from the inmates serving a life sentence?
“Batiste, I just heard something disturbing. Tell me it ain’t true.” I was whored-out at the time, listening to an inmate from 6-B-bay, in the drug rehabilitation program. “I’m paroling on the 26th, and I’m told that they have already froze my books.”
“Actually, they aren’t frozen. A check has been cut for the balance and they have been completely zeroed out.”
“Whatchu mean? How’m I gonna spend the money at store tomorrow?”
“You won’t be able to spend it, because there won’t be any funds available.”
“But now, I lose all them dead presidents!” “You still get the gate fee.”
“Yah, but now I really only get $55 because I already had $45 on my books.”
“That’s the breaks.”
“But I could have spent up that $45 at the store, and then gained the full Benjamin.”
“Look on the bright side. You got free food and health care the entire time you’ve been here.”
“Man, but I’m out almost half a C-note. How many days do they freeze your account before you parole?”
“It varies.”
“Well, I’m pissed anew. And on what does that variance depend?”
“Oh, so now you want to use proper English.”
“I’m not that horny…I just got out of prison.”
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