Inmates are allowed to order things from external catalogs, but they have rather tight criteria regarding the items. Jeans, for example, have to be plain in design, no baggies, and must cost less than $35. One of the inmates complained to me that nothing in the JC Penny catalog sold for less than $38. With a straight face, I told him to write them and ask for the “back-to-school” discount. He almost bought it; not the jeans, but my line of bullshit.
Inmates have access to a variety of items for purchase through the canteen. The canteen is run by state employees who are paid less than entry level prison guards. Why anybody would want to work for inmates at a pay-scale that low is beyond me. They would receive a substantial raise, simply by applying to be a guard. Lord knows they would be hired, because we take all comers. Perhaps this is why our canteen could never survive as a business in the real world. In a competitive market where you need to provide acceptable customer service, they would receive no repeat business at all.
The canteen staff was switching shower-shoe styles and had plenty of the new style in stock. The problem was that they had two cases (24 pair per case) of size nine in the old style remaining. The boss, Freedom Pfankuch, was completely retarded and could never run a business on the free-side. Her parents were from the 60s, and for some God-for-saken reason they decided to name their child after what is now a women’s hygiene product.
“I will not sell any of the new style until I have sold all of the size nines in the old style.” I can not imagine any other place in the world where this behavior would be remotely acceptable or conducive to staying in business. Perhaps it would fly in the Army or the Navy, but then, they never get any new styles. She should have sent the two cases back to the warehouse, or traded them with another facility where there were women (or juvenile men). Under normal circumstances, it would take a year to sell two cases of the size-nine shower shoes.
The inmates solved the problem themselves. Word spread that anybody who could afford (and come close to fitting) to purchase an extra pair of the size nine, whether they needed them or not, would be pressured into buying.
In most cases, shoe size correlated with body size, so it was not difficult to pressure these men into the idea.
Joey Newbury arrived at NSP with the size 16E shoes the D & E miraculously found on their shelves. By the time Joey completed his time at the D & E, they were worn out due to the lowest-bidder cheap-apparel purchased by the state. The problem at the Canteen was that ordering large, uncommon sizes was a special order, and they would only order special orders two pair at a time. Statistically, one man in approximately 3,000 wears a size 16. We had about 1,100 men currently residing at the state pen, and nobody wore that size. Do not misunderstand. We have a high percentage of large men, but a good majority of them became large at the weight pile. Lifting weights does not make your feet bigger. Joey would have to wait until another man with a size-16 foot was incarcerated. About eight months later, two months after Joey discharged, Ben Wurley arrived with the proper feet. The canteen’s answer was the same because again, there was only one current inmate that required the shoe.
“We’re tight. Not as tight as she was when she was 10; oh God, did I say that out loud?”
“No, you just left your subconscious speakers on.”
“I meant to say not as tight as we were when we were 10, as in friendly.”
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