Ok, so I am an asshole. I have spent the better part of my life doing stupid shit, and making fun of people for a myriad of “no real reasons” from their name needing an Ellis Island refund to saying things like, “in and of itself.”
One day, a co-worker, Shane (Rock) Girdlestone, asked me to make a drawing for him. Not just any drawing. It was intended to indicate something about my personality. He asked me to get a piece of paper and a pen. In my mind it was clearly a joke, so of course I am cautiously optimistic. As soon as Rock tells me to draw a house, the sun, a snake, some water, and a tree, I am reminded of a bullshit task I performed in the past that was supposed to wind up looking like something. I had previously heard and seen a joke drawing where the collective lines were made to look like a naked man bending over to pick up a bar of soap, with his asshole glaring into the viewer’s eye, so I attempted to make mine look that way.
It turned out to not be the same joke. In fact, it was not a joke at all. The task was intended to have serious implications, in the hopes that people could learn more about my personality. Rock explained that the house represented me, the sun – my relationship with my father, the snake – my sexuality, the water – my relationship with my mother, the tree – my intellect. I was expecting something else.
After studying my drawing, Rock then explained to me that I must be very close with my father, since the sun was touching the house. Closer, in fact, than my mother, represented by the water just out the front door. The height of the tree indicated that I was fairly intelligent. The size and location of the snake that was supposed to represent my sexuality was very concerning. The snake took up the majority of the paper, spanning three-fourths the width and height of the paper, and surrounding the house and the sun. Nobody wanted to speculate what that might indicate. Exstrom said we should just shred mine.
“Somebody should warn the fat-nasties in the Staff Training Academy. You are the target, and you will give in.”
One day, a co-worker, Shane (Rock) Girdlestone, asked me to make a drawing for him. Not just any drawing. It was intended to indicate something about my personality. He asked me to get a piece of paper and a pen. In my mind it was clearly a joke, so of course I am cautiously optimistic. As soon as Rock tells me to draw a house, the sun, a snake, some water, and a tree, I am reminded of a bullshit task I performed in the past that was supposed to wind up looking like something. I had previously heard and seen a joke drawing where the collective lines were made to look like a naked man bending over to pick up a bar of soap, with his asshole glaring into the viewer’s eye, so I attempted to make mine look that way.
It turned out to not be the same joke. In fact, it was not a joke at all. The task was intended to have serious implications, in the hopes that people could learn more about my personality. Rock explained that the house represented me, the sun – my relationship with my father, the snake – my sexuality, the water – my relationship with my mother, the tree – my intellect. I was expecting something else.
After studying my drawing, Rock then explained to me that I must be very close with my father, since the sun was touching the house. Closer, in fact, than my mother, represented by the water just out the front door. The height of the tree indicated that I was fairly intelligent. The size and location of the snake that was supposed to represent my sexuality was very concerning. The snake took up the majority of the paper, spanning three-fourths the width and height of the paper, and surrounding the house and the sun. Nobody wanted to speculate what that might indicate. Exstrom said we should just shred mine.
“Somebody should warn the fat-nasties in the Staff Training Academy. You are the target, and you will give in.”
No comments:
Post a Comment