Prison guards have a rank structure not terribly unlike that of the military. You start as a no-rank, fuzz-butt, fart-sniffin’, entry-level peon, called the officer. I find it terrifically ironic, that our college-educated leaders in the military are also recognized by that title. Six months after that, you can be tested on what you have learned, and the post orders.
If you score a 70%, you are eligible for promotion to the rank of corporal, pending the oral interview board. Everybody passes the oral test, unless the establishment really does not want you promoted. At that point, they will throw in the subjective supervisor’s evaluation, and promote
whom they want. I guess this part of it is more like the actual military than most people think.
Greg Radden had accumulated enough time in service to be eligible for testing, long before the next test was offered. That time arrived in late January. G-Rad was one of about a dozen officers that would test for corporal. The slots were competitive to an extent, but at that time there were more than enough slots to promote every officer that passed the test. Studying was never G-Rad’s strong point. If it were, he probably would not be working for the Department of Corrections. He buckled down and passed the written exam with an 84%. The oral boards were to be held a week later, when everyone who passed could be scheduled.
On Wednesday, I arrived at roll call after my weekend, which was on Monday and Tuesday, to find out from a mutual friend that G-Rad did not pass the oral boards on the previous day. The first thing to come to my mind was that he must have really pissed somebody off that was on the board. Then I found out that G-Rad had called in sick and would not be at work that day. As soon as I could get to the office phone in my housing unit I would make a phone call to his home phone, but when I arrived at the housing unit, it donned on me that he had caller ID, and he probably would not answer anything that came up “Nebraska State Penitentiary.”
After work, I jumped in the car and got on my cell phone. G-Rad answered on the first ring, “I know, I know, don’t give me any fucking shit about it.”
“Fuck you Marine, I was calling to sympathize. I hope you’re not considering quitting.”
“Actually, I was, but I suppose you’re going to talk me out of it.”
“I was going to say, you’re not behaving much like a Marine. Come on man, it wouldn’t be the same without you. Look on the bright side, now you’ll rotate into my housing unit, and we can work together for the next eight months, or until they have another corporal test.”
“Well, there is that, but I was really looking forward to that money.”
“Well don’t quit then, or you’ll really be needing some cash flow. You know, you’re not the only one to ever fail that stupid test. When I took my first corporal test, I got cocky and I did not study. The test was a multiple-choice test and I thought because I had a fuckin’ degree that I didn’t need to. I was an expert on multiple-choice tests. The morning I was scheduled to test, I was rushed because the person who was sent to relieve me wouldn’t feed the inmates on my unit. Breakfast was approaching, and she claimed that I had better hurry. There were stupid questions pertaining to other shifts that I had not worked. I was expecting common sense items pertaining to the job, but there were idiotic things that required you to study and…I had not. The exam only took me about 10 minutes to complete. The Lieutenant scanned my exam, and declared that I had made it. Big relief. His assumption was safe in 99% of the exam results. I was congratulated by four folks who had heard from the Lieutenant that I passed. Then the captain called. He said I scored a 69%, one point below the passing grade. I knew he was just fucking with me, after all, the LT claimed I had passed. He knew me well enough to play games. The captain said I could come look at it when I got off shift. I knew I passed it. After all, I never failed a test in my life, not even a driver’s exam. I sure as hell wasn’t going to start failing with an insignificant 25-question multiple-choice test for retards.”
“What did you score?”
“I’m getting to that. After work, I went to see the captain, expecting to see a low 70s score. I saw the test, and he even went so far as writing 69% at the top. An uneasy grin came to my face.”
“I bet you were wondering if he was fucking with you.”
“Yeah, so I asked him, “Can I see the test, Captain?” I kept waiting for him to crack a smile, but he did not. He was really playing this one to the hilt. I began to look through my test, mentally adding up the points as I went. Minus 31.”
“Was he fucking with you?”
“No, so I said, “Damn, I really did fail the test!” But I was still thinking there is a possibility he is fucking with me.”
He says, “Don’t worry; there will be another one in two months.”
I thought, “How can I face my co-workers?”
All I had ever heard was, “Any retard can pass that test.” The hourly wage difference between the ranks of officer and corporal cost me $300 over the course of the next few months. I scored a 98% on the next go around, after quite a bit of time devoted to study. Scoring the highest on the exam earned me first choice of the vacant posts. It was not worth the price. I spent more time working corporal posts after I failed the test. When I passed, so many of us did, my post of relief-corporal placed me in a control station more often than when I had failed.”
“Did your enthusiasm wane?” “You better fucking believe it.” “The truth is hard to swallow.” “That’s what the warm blood is for.”
Once I know I am dreaming I am doing some cool shit: fl ying, breathing under water, turning invisible. All with one thing in mind…getting nut-deep. Imagine tying their elbows together behind their back, or the convenient placement of a bar to separate their knees. Their titties would stick out and you would have great access to their vaginal opening.
“When you stare at something long enough, it shows different pictures.”
If you score a 70%, you are eligible for promotion to the rank of corporal, pending the oral interview board. Everybody passes the oral test, unless the establishment really does not want you promoted. At that point, they will throw in the subjective supervisor’s evaluation, and promote
whom they want. I guess this part of it is more like the actual military than most people think.
Greg Radden had accumulated enough time in service to be eligible for testing, long before the next test was offered. That time arrived in late January. G-Rad was one of about a dozen officers that would test for corporal. The slots were competitive to an extent, but at that time there were more than enough slots to promote every officer that passed the test. Studying was never G-Rad’s strong point. If it were, he probably would not be working for the Department of Corrections. He buckled down and passed the written exam with an 84%. The oral boards were to be held a week later, when everyone who passed could be scheduled.
On Wednesday, I arrived at roll call after my weekend, which was on Monday and Tuesday, to find out from a mutual friend that G-Rad did not pass the oral boards on the previous day. The first thing to come to my mind was that he must have really pissed somebody off that was on the board. Then I found out that G-Rad had called in sick and would not be at work that day. As soon as I could get to the office phone in my housing unit I would make a phone call to his home phone, but when I arrived at the housing unit, it donned on me that he had caller ID, and he probably would not answer anything that came up “Nebraska State Penitentiary.”
After work, I jumped in the car and got on my cell phone. G-Rad answered on the first ring, “I know, I know, don’t give me any fucking shit about it.”
“Fuck you Marine, I was calling to sympathize. I hope you’re not considering quitting.”
“Actually, I was, but I suppose you’re going to talk me out of it.”
“I was going to say, you’re not behaving much like a Marine. Come on man, it wouldn’t be the same without you. Look on the bright side, now you’ll rotate into my housing unit, and we can work together for the next eight months, or until they have another corporal test.”
“Well, there is that, but I was really looking forward to that money.”
“Well don’t quit then, or you’ll really be needing some cash flow. You know, you’re not the only one to ever fail that stupid test. When I took my first corporal test, I got cocky and I did not study. The test was a multiple-choice test and I thought because I had a fuckin’ degree that I didn’t need to. I was an expert on multiple-choice tests. The morning I was scheduled to test, I was rushed because the person who was sent to relieve me wouldn’t feed the inmates on my unit. Breakfast was approaching, and she claimed that I had better hurry. There were stupid questions pertaining to other shifts that I had not worked. I was expecting common sense items pertaining to the job, but there were idiotic things that required you to study and…I had not. The exam only took me about 10 minutes to complete. The Lieutenant scanned my exam, and declared that I had made it. Big relief. His assumption was safe in 99% of the exam results. I was congratulated by four folks who had heard from the Lieutenant that I passed. Then the captain called. He said I scored a 69%, one point below the passing grade. I knew he was just fucking with me, after all, the LT claimed I had passed. He knew me well enough to play games. The captain said I could come look at it when I got off shift. I knew I passed it. After all, I never failed a test in my life, not even a driver’s exam. I sure as hell wasn’t going to start failing with an insignificant 25-question multiple-choice test for retards.”
“What did you score?”
“I’m getting to that. After work, I went to see the captain, expecting to see a low 70s score. I saw the test, and he even went so far as writing 69% at the top. An uneasy grin came to my face.”
“I bet you were wondering if he was fucking with you.”
“Yeah, so I asked him, “Can I see the test, Captain?” I kept waiting for him to crack a smile, but he did not. He was really playing this one to the hilt. I began to look through my test, mentally adding up the points as I went. Minus 31.”
“Was he fucking with you?”
“No, so I said, “Damn, I really did fail the test!” But I was still thinking there is a possibility he is fucking with me.”
He says, “Don’t worry; there will be another one in two months.”
I thought, “How can I face my co-workers?”
All I had ever heard was, “Any retard can pass that test.” The hourly wage difference between the ranks of officer and corporal cost me $300 over the course of the next few months. I scored a 98% on the next go around, after quite a bit of time devoted to study. Scoring the highest on the exam earned me first choice of the vacant posts. It was not worth the price. I spent more time working corporal posts after I failed the test. When I passed, so many of us did, my post of relief-corporal placed me in a control station more often than when I had failed.”
“Did your enthusiasm wane?” “You better fucking believe it.” “The truth is hard to swallow.” “That’s what the warm blood is for.”
Once I know I am dreaming I am doing some cool shit: fl ying, breathing under water, turning invisible. All with one thing in mind…getting nut-deep. Imagine tying their elbows together behind their back, or the convenient placement of a bar to separate their knees. Their titties would stick out and you would have great access to their vaginal opening.
“When you stare at something long enough, it shows different pictures.”
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