We had one inmate named LeSavior, and two named Jesus in the same housing unit. That is not uncommon. For you white folks that do not know, Jesus is a very popular Hispanic name. Many people of Hispanic descent consider it an honor to be named after The Son. When LeSavior’s celly got discharged, both of the inmates named Jesus independently requested to move in with him.
One Jesus, of Hispanic descent (pronounced Hey-Zeus), entered the cell of another inmate, whose celly happened to have recently constructed a dummy so it would appear that he was in his bunk. Jesus was bringing gifts of tobacco and common sense, both of which are contraband at the state penitentiary.
I caught Jesus with the tobacco when I intended to question him about the coincidental simultaneous requests.
“Where did you get it?”
“A buddy who works in NIFA.” “Does this buddy have a name?” “Yes, but I can not tell you.”
“Can you tell me how he gets it in?”
“Shit, everybody knows they hollow out the lumber before it comes in. Knot-holes are easy. NIFA is the contraband pipeline.”
“How is it that both you and the other Jesus want to move in with LeSavior?”
“He’s coming.” “Who’s coming?”
“Jesus, The Son of God.”
“Well, most of us Christians believe that, but you sound like you have some insider information.”
“LeSavior told me. I figured that with a name like that, he ought to know.”
“With a name like that? Wait a minute, your name is Jesus!”
“Yah, but there are lots of guys named Jesus. I only know one LeSavior.”
“Are you referring to the letter that the warden got?” “What letter?”
“The warden got a letter from some guy named Jesus. Apparently Jesus wrote a letter threatening an armed assault.”
“Why, for God’s sake, would Jesus assault the Penitentiary? He is about love and forgiveness.”
“Not the real Jesus, you dope. Lots of Hispanics are named Jesus, remember? Hispanics consider it an honor to name their children after the Son.”
“Why don’t all Christians?”
“I don’t know. Perhaps it’s considered blasphemous. I’ve been told that in white cultures it might appear disrespectful to give your child such a praise-worthy name.”
“So what are you gonna do with the tobacco?” “Write it up, and submit it as evidence.”
“But I’ll lose all my good time!”
“Then you better hope Jesus comes soon.”
“Ain’t no joy, like a fat-butt boy.” -- Anonymous inmate
One Jesus, of Hispanic descent (pronounced Hey-Zeus), entered the cell of another inmate, whose celly happened to have recently constructed a dummy so it would appear that he was in his bunk. Jesus was bringing gifts of tobacco and common sense, both of which are contraband at the state penitentiary.
I caught Jesus with the tobacco when I intended to question him about the coincidental simultaneous requests.
“Where did you get it?”
“A buddy who works in NIFA.” “Does this buddy have a name?” “Yes, but I can not tell you.”
“Can you tell me how he gets it in?”
“Shit, everybody knows they hollow out the lumber before it comes in. Knot-holes are easy. NIFA is the contraband pipeline.”
“How is it that both you and the other Jesus want to move in with LeSavior?”
“He’s coming.” “Who’s coming?”
“Jesus, The Son of God.”
“Well, most of us Christians believe that, but you sound like you have some insider information.”
“LeSavior told me. I figured that with a name like that, he ought to know.”
“With a name like that? Wait a minute, your name is Jesus!”
“Yah, but there are lots of guys named Jesus. I only know one LeSavior.”
“Are you referring to the letter that the warden got?” “What letter?”
“The warden got a letter from some guy named Jesus. Apparently Jesus wrote a letter threatening an armed assault.”
“Why, for God’s sake, would Jesus assault the Penitentiary? He is about love and forgiveness.”
“Not the real Jesus, you dope. Lots of Hispanics are named Jesus, remember? Hispanics consider it an honor to name their children after the Son.”
“Why don’t all Christians?”
“I don’t know. Perhaps it’s considered blasphemous. I’ve been told that in white cultures it might appear disrespectful to give your child such a praise-worthy name.”
“So what are you gonna do with the tobacco?” “Write it up, and submit it as evidence.”
“But I’ll lose all my good time!”
“Then you better hope Jesus comes soon.”
“Ain’t no joy, like a fat-butt boy.” -- Anonymous inmate
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