Back in the day, when inmates could smoke, one of the first transitions to a non-smoking environment was to make them stand in the red square while smoking. The red square, of course, was the only smoking area on the yard. This one idiot would stand there butt-naked with a screaming hard-on going through his morning ritual. He was also the guy that would rub one out 20 times a day.
An inmate outside of the red square was spotted smoking by a tower observation post, so a strip search was performed. He was found with altered batteries, but no tobacco. When this report reached the housing unit staff, we were just preparing his new contract and job description as a housing unit porter. For kicks, we added the text, “This is a non-smoking position.” It is widely known that inmates use batteries or wires to light their tobacco. Batteries work great if you have steel wool and toilet paper. Toilet paper is easy to find, but the steel wool is not. Stripped wires, better known as “Stingers” are also used. You simply stick the wire in the electrical outlet, and wait for the end to get hot and provide your spark. Tobacco is easy to get, but expensive, and the sellers do not always provide rolling papers. Gideon’s would cringe at the thought, but their annual visit to the penitentiary is welcomed for the wrong reasons. Inmates collect as many bibles as they can, because the pages make great rolling papers. Inmates, who can not afford the tobacco, tell me the next best thing is potato peels. I think I would just try to quit. Most of the inmates that get caught trafficking tobacco are reported by the very staff member that sold it to them. The inmate gets set-up, and you look like employee of the year.
People try to set you up all the time. “Thank God He’s Locked Up. Have you seen that show?”
It is best not to lie and say, “Yes, I’ve heard of that.” If you never have.
Do not even say, “It’s vaguely familiar.”
You may get the response, “Well, they should make one.”
Inmates do get their paybacks. Four inmates got together and requested a copy of The Stand, by Steven King. The first three all received it immediately because all three copies the library had were miraculously present. This provoked suspicion and the inmates were subsequently queried and interrogated regarding their simultaneous need. They all claimed that their caseworker has asked them to get it for him, so he could finish reading it at work. The caseworker claimed to know nothing about the arrangement.
On another occasion, to get some paybacks, an inmate gets a hooker friend on the outside to find a particular guard on the outside and fuck him while collecting the condom with the sperm in it. Then the inmate cries rape on the inside and produces the evidence he wiped his ass with. The inmate had another inmate steal the unit handcuffs, cuffed himself to the bed and stuffed a toy broom handle in his own ass. He then blamed the caseworker for doing it to him. This set-up looked very compelling; since the inmate had a condom with his own bloody shit on it, with the staff member’s sperm inside.
Both set-ups resulted in the staff being suspended pending investigation.
“I can shoot with my left hand, I can shoot with my right hand…I’m amphibious.”
-- Charles Shackleford
An inmate outside of the red square was spotted smoking by a tower observation post, so a strip search was performed. He was found with altered batteries, but no tobacco. When this report reached the housing unit staff, we were just preparing his new contract and job description as a housing unit porter. For kicks, we added the text, “This is a non-smoking position.” It is widely known that inmates use batteries or wires to light their tobacco. Batteries work great if you have steel wool and toilet paper. Toilet paper is easy to find, but the steel wool is not. Stripped wires, better known as “Stingers” are also used. You simply stick the wire in the electrical outlet, and wait for the end to get hot and provide your spark. Tobacco is easy to get, but expensive, and the sellers do not always provide rolling papers. Gideon’s would cringe at the thought, but their annual visit to the penitentiary is welcomed for the wrong reasons. Inmates collect as many bibles as they can, because the pages make great rolling papers. Inmates, who can not afford the tobacco, tell me the next best thing is potato peels. I think I would just try to quit. Most of the inmates that get caught trafficking tobacco are reported by the very staff member that sold it to them. The inmate gets set-up, and you look like employee of the year.
People try to set you up all the time. “Thank God He’s Locked Up. Have you seen that show?”
It is best not to lie and say, “Yes, I’ve heard of that.” If you never have.
Do not even say, “It’s vaguely familiar.”
You may get the response, “Well, they should make one.”
Inmates do get their paybacks. Four inmates got together and requested a copy of The Stand, by Steven King. The first three all received it immediately because all three copies the library had were miraculously present. This provoked suspicion and the inmates were subsequently queried and interrogated regarding their simultaneous need. They all claimed that their caseworker has asked them to get it for him, so he could finish reading it at work. The caseworker claimed to know nothing about the arrangement.
On another occasion, to get some paybacks, an inmate gets a hooker friend on the outside to find a particular guard on the outside and fuck him while collecting the condom with the sperm in it. Then the inmate cries rape on the inside and produces the evidence he wiped his ass with. The inmate had another inmate steal the unit handcuffs, cuffed himself to the bed and stuffed a toy broom handle in his own ass. He then blamed the caseworker for doing it to him. This set-up looked very compelling; since the inmate had a condom with his own bloody shit on it, with the staff member’s sperm inside.
Both set-ups resulted in the staff being suspended pending investigation.
“I can shoot with my left hand, I can shoot with my right hand…I’m amphibious.”
-- Charles Shackleford
No comments:
Post a Comment